Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
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Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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