Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
