return my video game
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
