she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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