I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
