and my herpes radar will keep us safe
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
