Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
