You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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