I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
