I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize