Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
