I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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