is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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