3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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