Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
