ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
