My liver just broke up with me...
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We need to rekindle our bromance
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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