Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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