I don't usually arrange sex via text message
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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