if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
