Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
