We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Randomize
