I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
