so explain again why im purple
no
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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