My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
