ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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