I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She said her name was "party"
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
