my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
