Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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