1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
her vagine was all disorganized.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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