she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
