i just google imaged poop.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
