She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
