i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
