Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
