I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize