wake up i wanna do it froggy style
tell your sister to shave her snatch
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I didn't notice because vodka
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I can't turn off my feet"
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
