Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
