every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
