New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
