Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize