Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
