She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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