I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
oh god was she eating orange peels again
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
