i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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