Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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