How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
