We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
