I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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