ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
