we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
