And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
