HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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