Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
