I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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