see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
