sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
