Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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