forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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