Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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