It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
