with your own penis?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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