They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
