Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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