The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
